Embracing Pain, Change and Freedom

This blog post is from our Dharma Simplified Study we do on Sunday nights.

As we continue this journey of exploring the Buddha’s teachings. Let’s discuss three fundamental aspects of reality known as The Three Marks of Existence: impermanence (anicca), suffering (dukkha), and non-self (anatta). These truths help us understand life as it is, and learning to see through their lens is essential for walking the Buddhist path.”

I’d like to begin by acknowledging something we all know deep down: life can be hard. We face challenges, losses, frustrations, and uncertainties. Sometimes it feels like the world moves faster than our ability to make sense of it. Yet, within all this, Buddhism offers gentle guidance—a way of understanding our struggles and finding peace, even when life feels anything but peaceful.

Buddhism doesn’t ask us to believe blindly or to become something we’re not. Instead, it invites us to look inward with honesty, kindness, and curiosity. Today, I’d like to share with you three profound observations Buddhism makes about life. These are called the Three Marks of Existence: impermanence, suffering, and non-self. Together, they provide a lens through which we can see the world more clearly, with wisdom and compassion.

Impermanence (Anicca)

Let’s begin with impermanence, or anicca. This is the idea that everything changes. Nothing stays exactly the same. We see this truth in nature: the seasons shift, rivers flow, and even the mountains, over millions of years, wear down into hills. It’s in our own lives, too. Think about a cherished memory from your past. Maybe it was a family gathering, a special trip, or a moment of personal triumph. That moment was beautiful, but it didn’t last forever. And yet, its fleeting nature doesn’t make it less meaningful; in fact, it might make it more so.

Impermanence teaches us that everything in life—our experiences, emotions, relationships, even our bodies—is constantly changing. This might sound unsettling at first, but it’s also a profound truth.  

Real-world example: Think about the seasons. Winter turns to spring, spring to summer, and so on. Nothing in nature stays the same. Similarly, our lives are in a constant state of flux. Think of a joyful moment—a birthday celebration, for instance. That happiness arises, passes, and then life moves on.  

As Dharma teacher Ruth King says, “When we recognize the changing nature of life, we loosen our grip on the fantasy of permanence.” 

Impermanence can be challenging to accept. We often cling to things, hoping they’ll stay the same. We want relationships, careers, and even our health to be steady and predictable. But when we resist change, we create suffering for ourselves. 

Tara Brach puts it beautifully: “If we’re holding tightly to something, trying to make it permanent, we’re not free to enjoy what’s actually here in the moment.”

Understanding impermanence helps us release attachment to what we cannot hold onto. Rather than clinging or resisting, we can learn to flow with the changes life brings.  

In a practical sense, embracing impermanence can help us live more fully. When we know that every experience is temporary, we can savor the good times and approach challenges with the knowledge that they, too, will pass. It’s not about pretending change isn’t hard. It’s about learning to ride the waves, rather than being swept under by them.

Suffering (Dukkha)

The second mark of existence is dukkha, often translated as suffering. But dukkha is more nuanced than that. It refers to the sense of dissatisfaction we feel when life doesn’t match our expectations. Have you ever gone on a vacation, only to feel a little let down because it wasn’t as perfect as you imagined? Or maybe you’ve bought something new and exciting, only to find the thrill wore off faster than you thought it would. That’s dukkha. It’s the feeling that something’s just a little off.

Suffering, or ”dukkha”, doesn’t mean life is all doom and gloom. Instead, it refers to the dissatisfaction we often feel when things don’t go as planned or when we resist the natural flow of life.  

Real-world example: Picture being stuck in traffic. You might feel frustration or even anger. That’s “dukkha”. It arises because we want things to be different than they are. Even pleasurable experiences contain “dukkha” because they, too, are fleeting.  

Tara Brach beautifully explains, “We suffer when we cling to or resist what is, instead of opening to the flow of life.” By recognizing “dukkha”, we begin to see how our struggles are tied to resisting reality rather than accepting it.

Bhikkhu Bodhi explains, “Suffering doesn’t mean that life is all misery. It’s the subtle undercurrent of unease that comes from grasping at things that can’t satisfy us in the long run.”

A modern example might be our relationship with technology. Social media, for instance, promises connection and entertainment, but it often leaves us feeling more isolated or anxious. Why? Because we’re looking for lasting happiness in something impermanent. Understanding dukkha doesn’t mean giving up on joy or pleasure. It simply means recognizing where true fulfillment comes from—not from clinging to external things, but from cultivating inner peace and compassion.

Non-Self (Anatta)

The third mark of existence is non-self, or anatta. This concept can feel a bit abstract at first, but let’s explore it together. Buddhism teaches that there’s no fixed, permanent “self” inside us. What we think of as “me” is actually a collection of experiences, thoughts, and feelings, all constantly changing.

Imagine a river. When you look at it, you might call it the same river each time, but the water flowing through it is never the same. In the same way, we’re always in flux. This isn’t a bad thing! It means we’re not trapped by our past or defined by our mistakes. Gil Fronsdal reminds us, “Understanding non-self is not about erasing who you are; it’s about freeing yourself from the stories that limit you.”

The concept of non-self challenges our deeply ingrained sense of “me” and “mine.” The Buddha taught that what we think of as a fixed, unchanging self is actually a collection of changing experiences—thoughts, emotions, and sensations.  

Real-world example: Think about how your identity has shifted over time. You might once have defined yourself as a student, but now you see yourself differently. Even your opinions or preferences evolve. If you’ve ever thought, “I’m not the same person I was five years ago,” you’ve touched on the idea of non-self.  

Insight meditation teacher Kaira Jewel Lingo writes, “When we realize there is no fixed self, we can let go of the constant need to defend or promote our identity. This brings tremendous relief.”  

Recognizing anatta allows us to let go of the stories we tell ourselves. This doesn’t mean we don’t exist—it simply means we’re not as solid and unchanging as we believe. This awareness creates space for flexibility, compassion, and freedom.

For instance, think about the times you’ve grown or changed. Maybe you’ve let go of an old habit or learned a new skill. That growth was possible because you’re not a fixed entity. You’re dynamic, adaptable, and capable of transformation.

Bringing It All Together

When we bring these three ideas together—impermanence, suffering, and non-self—we start to see life more clearly. We see that change is inevitable, that clinging creates dissatisfaction, and that we’re not as solid and unchanging as we might think. This isn’t a cause for despair. It’s an invitation to live with more presence, flexibility, and compassion.

So, how do we put these insights into practice? One way is through mindfulness. When we’re present with our thoughts, feelings, and experiences, we can start to notice impermanence in action. We can observe dukkha without being overwhelmed by it. And we can gently question the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.

As we close, I’d like to leave you with a quote from Tara Brach: “The truth is, everything is a dance of change. When we relax into that truth, we find a peace that can hold it all.” 

Ruth King summarizes the the 3 marks of existence in a simple way. 

If we can accept and practice that nothing in life is Permanent, Perfect or Personal we can learn to see our experiences in reality.

Thank you for reading this share. May these reflections bring you some comfort, insight, and inspiration for the path ahead.